electron zoo

I have an awesome new gadget. This time, it’s pretty mainstream — I didn’t have to fill out any customs forms, buy off the black market, or rob any Japanese tourists. Not that I would do such a thing (but don’t ask me where I got my itty bitty digital camera).

I got my latest gadget in the USA. Well, that already knocks it down a wee bit on the coolness scale, especially because it’s a mobile phone. Or as some of you American cavemen still like to say, it’s a cell phone.

To get totally off the topic for a moment, the term cell phone is so old-fashioned that I once said cell phone to a 19-year-old hipster in the UK and he didn’t know what I was talking about. (Technically, the term refers to phones that use frequencies that few of us are using these days.) The only "cell phone" you’ll find me buying will be an actual cybernetic extension onto the cellular walls of my ears that allows me to communicate with … um … the mothership?

But in spite of being on the North American market, my new mobile phone is really cool. It’s the Motorola RAZR V3, and it’s just a little flashier than the electronics I would normally buy. I only bought a new phone because I had to change mobile services carriers, so getting a rockin’ new phone was a part of the deal. (Actually, you can buy unlocked cell phones that are carrier-independent — but then you don’t have a great excuse to upgrade your mobile technology.)

And this phone does pretty much rock. It has a huge, colorful screen, which is great for using the web, instant messaging, and emailing. The camera is pretty decent, and takes photos as big as 640 x 480 pixels — less than one megapixel, but good enough the uninspired quickie shots I’d take on my mobile phone. (Check out these shots I posted to Blogger Mobile.)

But the vanity features of the phone are what sets it apart. Mainly, the form factor — this is geek talk for the size and shape — is very cool. It’s just a little longer than a credit card and around 1.4 cm thick. (That’s just over half an inch for you cavemen reading this.) The thinness makes up for the large height and width of the phone, allowing space for the most luxuriously huge keypad I’ve seen in a pocket-friendly phone.

If the size of the keypad didn’t make it easy enough for me to enter text, the excellent predictive text feature built in to the phone simplifies things further. Turning it off and on can be counter-intuitive, but I am willing to forgive that because it has a very clever interface for guessing what you are trying to type … once you get used to it, anyway.

Plus it actually remembers what you’ve typed in the past. For instance, the name of my pet is not a real word (”shrimpi”, who lives in an Eco-Sphere), so I had to manually enter the name the first time I typed it into my phone. After that, it guessed that I was trying to type “shrimpi” after I’d entered just a few letters. Not bad.
Later that day, it suggested my password as a potential solution to something I was trying to type. How convienient. For that reason, I suggest you carefully weigh the pros and cons of this feature if you’re living a secretive double life. That’s why I had to turn it off, anyway.

Just in case I haven’t given you enough reasons why this keypad is awesome, it also glows like the dashboard of a retro spaceship in the dark. The salesman at the mobile store pointed this out to me. "It’s very Star Trek," he said. "Just like my life," I responded, and he laughed.

Oh, what little he knows.

Here’s a “joke” that reflects my present geek-life:

Q: You know you’re a nerd when …
A: You’re having a bad day because you woke up and and realized all your Sims have died.

No, I don’t usually game, but for the last few days I’ve been playing a Palm OS game called Village Sim.

I don’t play video games much, but I often wish I did. For years I’ve suspected that by not gaming, I may be lacking some kinds of intelligence — such as the ability to navigate a virtual 3D world — that a younger generation (who grew up playing the fancy stuff) has. I figure that these skills that are gained by gaming will earn someone higher productivity and understanding of the systems that will be developed by this generation of gamers.

Just as the Windows and Mac desktop act a little bit like Lemmings, future operating systems may behave like Unreal … or whatever those crazy kids are playing these days. And I don’t want to be left behind.

These suspicions found some ground when I read an article in Discover magazine about some new brain research. This research concludes that playing video games is like going to the gym for your brain — it builds problem solving ability.

Additionally, some virtues can be learned by gaming, such as patience. As an adult who stopped gaming years ago, I completely agree. I can pick up a game and put it down again faster than a baby with a business management book. Why? It takes a lot of hard hard work to master a game — in fact, just learning the controls can require major effort. (This research was about video games, but I would argue that Linux users also demonstrate extreme patience!)

I know I’m not going to master these skills by playing a Sim on my Palm Tungsten, but it does take some patience and problem solving ability to keep my group of virtual islanders alive. To all you grown-ups out there who haven’t been giving video games a chance: try to endure one for a little while, and you might learn something new.

Or maybe you’ll kill off a bunch of innocent Sims in your sleep. And then when the robots rule humans in 2015, you’ll pay — oh yes, you’ll pay dearly for what you did to the ancestors of your new computer overlords.

Uh oh …

With the scorge of iPods ravaging our nation, I feel it’s my civic duty to educate my readers about basic iPod safety. To ensure your personal safety and the safety of those around you while using your iPod, please take the following three easy steps.

1. Use larger headphones. Sure, white earbuds are hip, but big studio headphones are even cooler. The people around you will recognize your unwavering appreciation for sound quality, while also recognizing that you can’t hear a damn thing. You will be safe from others attempting to speak to you while at the same time securing your image as an uncompromising music lover.
2. Practice sign language. Rather than removing your headphones in order to speak with others, try learning sign language. A practice well established by the deaf, sign language is an effective, widespread method for communicating without the use of hearing. Using sign language will enable you to order a triple mocha latte at Starbucks without interrupting the breakdown.
3. Bling your iPod. iPod muggings have been taking place in major cities worldwide. It is of increasing importance that you keep your iPod visible at all times, not only by using it openly in the street, but also by dressing up your iPod in striking accessories. Some possibilities to consider include designer hoodies, an uber-yuppie fannie pack, a totebag with built-in speakers, or a glamorous floral printed case that makes it look like a Fifth Avenue clutch. Muggers will know better than to tread on your style.

By taking these three simple steps, you can enjoy your tunes in peace knowing that the world knows you’re a hip and unique individual who’s not to be reckoned with. Or spoken to.

Please tune in for my next round of safety tips: "How to Properly Enjoy DVDs and Playstation in the Comfort of Your Own Car".

Imagine using Google to find out where you stuck your phone bill, or when you last used your checkbook, or to tell you that your keys are underneath the folded newspaper to the left of your keyboard. This has long been the dream of disorganized internet junkies.

And thanks to the work of researchers whose desks contain some of the best analyzed clutter in the world, this dream will likely become a reality … in a couple of years.

These researchers use a webcam mounted above a desk to record where the items on the desk are moving, which then syncs with a computer to interpret which papers are which, how they’ve been moved, and where they might be found.

The system could also be used to interpret how a document has been organized — for example, you could use it to organize your vacation photos. If you went through your vacation photos, putting all those that are “safe for co-workers” to the right and all your wild and crazy party photos to the left, you could automatically organize the digital versions of the same photos at the same time. (Then again, who has the cash to have their photos printed these days, anyway?)

As exciting as this sounds, I’m not so sure these researchers are fully aware of all the challenges they face out here in the Real World. Take my desk, for instance — they can give me a call when they’re ready for this:

Backslash Backlash: This will be the name of my new metal band. Well, it would have simply been called Backslash, but that’s been taken by some rather tough looking Germans who could probably take me in a biergarten brawl. So Backslash Backlash it is.

The name of my metal band indicates my loathing and distaste for all humankind. (As the name of any metal band should do.) Well, maybe not for all humankind, just a vast majority — that majority being those who can’t keep the difference straight between a backslash (\) and a forward slash (/).

If you don’t know the difference … sigh. A slash (also known as a forward slash) leans forward (to the right), and is frequently used in punctuation and web addresses. A backslash leans backwards (to the left) and is infrequently used for anything at all. It was just invented in the 1950s and its main utility is in computer programming. The (forward) slash is beside your right SHIFT key. The backslash is really hard to find and often located in different positions on different keyboards.

Nonetheless, I’ve heard everyone from talk show hosts to family members claim that some web page or another can be found at "blah blah blah dot com backslash something something something" — in spite of the fact that a backslash will never appear in a properly formatted internet address. (I assume they think backslash is a fancy word for a slash. Well, you can’t blame ‘em for trying … right?)

And of course, I’m definitely not the first “enlightened” individual to observe this frequently-made mistake. Because what geek isn’t prone to just a little — the tinyest bit — of arrogance and elitism?