electron zoo

Waking up is (arguably) the most important thing we do all day, and almost everyone uses some kind of gadget to do this. My alarm clock here at home wakes me up to progressively louder church bells. (Sure, it sounds nice, but it drives me nuts.) The worst alarm clock I've ever been exposed to belonged to an ex-boyfriend. It's a little dog that plays Revelry on the trumpet while singing, It's time to wake up, it's time to wake up, it's time to wake up right now! Anyway, here are five gadgets that will hopefully wake you up without giving you nightmares.

NeverLate 7-day Alarm Clock
Mondays you wake up at 8:00 AM. Tuesdays you wake up at 6:00 AM. Wednesdays you wake up at 7:00 AM. Thursdays you wake up at 11:00AM. Are you insane? Then this clock radio is for you. You can program it to wake you up at seven different times each day of the week. You can also program nap timers -- a clever addition, because with a schedule like this, power naps are essential.

iPod Clock Radio
You love your iPod. You want to marry it and have its babies. You want sleep with it every night and wake up next to it every morning. Well, sometimes you get what you wish for. This device isn't just a clock radio that docks your iPod, it's a whole home stereo system for your iPod which is fully-featured and cleverly designed. On the downside, it's still illegal to marry your iPod and biologically impossible to have its babies.

SleepTracker Wearable Sleeping Aid
Ahh. Don't you love those mornings when you just wake up naturally without an alarm clock at all? The SleepTracker promises the next best thing. Yes, it's still an alarm clock. But instead of waking you up an a concrete wake up time, it works around a twenty-minute wake up window, then wakes you up when you're sleeping your lightest, so you can feel as refreshed as possible when you start your day. As a bonus, aspiring mad scientists can also use the device to track the nightlong sleeping patterns of themselves and others ... to try to take over the world.

Progressive Wake Up Clock
Your bedroom slightly brightens. The smell of coffee wafts into your face. Songbirds are melodiously entering your dreams and softly awaken you. It's like awakening in your mountain lodge to have breakfast in bed. Oh crap, it's just your alarm clock. Oh well. This fancy alarm clock gradually wakes you with aromatherapy, light, and natural sounds over a period of thirty minutes. But I think a late night of drinking would make this pretty easy to ignore in the morning. (Perhaps you could set an ultra-loud, flashing Sensory Assault alarm clock to go off about an hour after this one.)

Clocky, the Alarm Clock the Runs Away and Hides
This robotic alarm clock has wheels. It acts like a regular alarm clock by hanging out in one place and buzzing in the morning. But once you hit snooze, you might think you're still dreaming. It rolls off your nightstand all by itself and finds a hiding place -- a different one each day -- then buzzes again. Theoretically, you're forced to get up and find it. But I think man is smarter than machine. Just remove the batteries when it buzzes you the first time and sleep as long as you want.

As promised, I’m making some more changes to this space. As much fun as I had renaming this site to uber webcredulous, it’s just not fun for anyone to remember. I thought I’d pick something from the English language this time. So welcome to my new new name, electron zoo.

And look out, because I’m moving (today!) to a new web address, electronzoo.com, so please update any bookmarks or links you have to the old web address. If you’re reading my feed, make sure you have the latest feed URL: http://feeds.feedburner.com/ezoo

You know who you are. If it doesn't have whiskers and wear a bow, you don't want it. But Hello Kitty comes from Japan, where bytes are the not-so-new black. If you're going to ride this bandwagon, these 5 Gadgets are for you.

Hello Kitty Bluetooth Handsfree
When you haven't got enough hands to hold your Hello Kitty mobile phone (or the low-tech version for US residents), your Hello Kitty wireless headset will have you covered. Telephones must make Hello Kitty very sad, because she has no mouth.

Hello Kitty Digital Cam
Would the Hello Kitty paparazzi dare use another digital cam to catch this hot shot of Steven Tyler indulging in some pink, plushy Hello love? It takes 3.2 megapixel shots and even has a video out so you can connect it to your Hello Kitty TV set.

Hello Kitty USB 2.0 Flash Drive
Wearable flash memory must be worn in style. What matches your outfit, 256 MB or 512 MB? Either will look fabulous plugged into your Hello Kitty USB hub.

Hello Kitty Desktop Cleaner
Here's a neat little gadget that's popular in Japan -- a tiny vacuum cleaner to keep your desktop tidy. (It's great for keeping the dust off your Hello Kitty keyboard and mouse.) It reminds me of what Ethan Hawke used in Gattaca so no one would discover his true genetic identity. Does this mean the Japanese are genetically engineered superhumans? Perhaps.

Hello Kitty Portable Speakers
What kind of music do you Hello Kitty fans rock out to, anyway? I hope it sounds good coming out of two giant plush Hello Kitty feet, which can easily be connected to your Hello Kitty MP3 Player.

Note to readers (ignore at will): This week, I'm introducing number 1 in a new series called "5 Gadgets". I have a few other plans to enliven this space, which will hopefully actually happen. Soon.

FlipFlop Solar Powered Moving Plant
It's solar powered. It's plastic. It moves ... but just a little, tiny bit. It's an artificial solar powered houseplant. It's so intentionally useless, it's almost a good idea.

iDog Portable Speaker
If storm troopers had pet dogs designed by Japanese hipsters, this is what they would look like. This charismatic little speaker can connect to your iPod and enjoy your music with you, enabling you to further ostracize your loved ones while listening to your "own personal soundtrack".

Scrolling LED Badge
Nothing says, "Hello, my name is ... wait! Come back!" better than a scrolling LED badge. I mean come on, all the cool kids are wearing LED belt buckles.

Griffin iBeam Laser Pointer and Flashlight for iPod or iPod Mini
What do you get when you mix a life-saving tool (flashlight), an ostentatious gadget (iPod mini), and a glorified cat toy (laser pointer)? Or were you going to use your hot pink iPod mini to underscore the highlights of the PowerPoint you're presenting in the corner office?

Retro Phone Handset
Just attach it to your mobile phone, and it will give you a big chucky receiver to hang onto. This would come in handy if you had a loved one who just awoke from a coma, and you had to conduct an elaborate rouse to convince them it was still 1980 (Goodbye Lenin style). Or if you wanted everyone at a party to believe they could call your crotch directly. Well geez, maybe it's not useless after all.