electron zoo

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From Stonehenge to Switzerland, humans have long used gadgets to measure the passage of time. These days, we're still figuring out crazy new ways to find out how soon we can break for lunch. For those occasions when checking the time on our mobile phones is far too uncivilized, here are five cool gadgets that you can watch for hours -- precisely.

Time Tags
These tiny cufflinks are a cool way for watchophobics to discreetly tell the time without risking an unsightly tan line. Fortunately, these itty-bitty timepieces come in pairs so you can lose them one-at-a-time.

TIX LED Clock
Cleverly disguised as a futuristic wall decoration, this clock may allow you to keep the time of day secret from your visitors whilst you, resident mad scientist, watch them squirm. Once you learn this clock's easy secret, you'll be able to read it faster than you can say One Million Dollars.

Active Reactor Wristwatch
This extremely fancy gadget brims with blinky lights and tech appeal, but all it really does is tell the time ... in a super spiffy way that's brand spanking new! To be the first wanna-japanese-a-be on the block to wear it, you'll have to order it directly in Japanese Yen. "How much was that awesome watch?" "Twelve hundred Yen." How cool is that?

Heart Rate and Altitude Monitoring Watch
If the control freak in you needs to know way more than the time, this watch may be a good start. Use it to keep tabs on your heart rate anytime (even thirty meters underwater) or to triumpantly determine your elevation when you happen to be climbing a mountain. Other know-it-all timepieces include smart watches for info like the weather and news.

Pong Clock
If staring at the clock isn't holding your attention, watching a computer endlessly play Pong with itself is sure to entertain. This clock is a must-have for retro gamers -- because for all the wonderful things you can do with an Atari 2600, keeping time isn't one of them.

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For those of us who occasionally wake up wearing our shoes, here are five gadgets you won't remember using in the morning.

The Ring Thing
Because I've never seen anyone keep their pants on using a belt buckle bottle opener, I insist you consider a Ring Thing or wear tight pants. Or both. If the Ring Thing isn't hardcore enough for you, professional grade bottle opener rings are bigger, sturdier, and faster to use.

Reef Fanning Sandals
These Reef sandals have a covert bottle opener hidden in their sole, for those days when you head out with your flip flops, a 6-pack of Heineken, and nothing else. They come in multiple color combinations, including black & tan.

Travel Bar To Go
With a flask, a funnel, a corkscrew, ice tongs, a stirring stick, and even two collapsible shot glasses, you'll seriously outclass the hobos drinking from paper bags when you're boozing in the park mid-afternoon.

Shot Glass Ice Molds
Sorry about the intended pun, but these are the coolest shot glasses ever. Freeze water or juice to have everything on the rocks. And if your guests leave their glasses all over the place, you can just clean up afterwards with a hose.

Ashhole Bottletop Ashtray
If you've ever been to a party where everyone's ashing their cigarettes into a beer bottles, this might seem like a good idea. Until you ask yourself, if you had this ashtray on-hand, why would you ash into a beer bottle?

Waking up is (arguably) the most important thing we do all day, and almost everyone uses some kind of gadget to do this. My alarm clock here at home wakes me up to progressively louder church bells. (Sure, it sounds nice, but it drives me nuts.) The worst alarm clock I've ever been exposed to belonged to an ex-boyfriend. It's a little dog that plays Revelry on the trumpet while singing, It's time to wake up, it's time to wake up, it's time to wake up right now! Anyway, here are five gadgets that will hopefully wake you up without giving you nightmares.

NeverLate 7-day Alarm Clock
Mondays you wake up at 8:00 AM. Tuesdays you wake up at 6:00 AM. Wednesdays you wake up at 7:00 AM. Thursdays you wake up at 11:00AM. Are you insane? Then this clock radio is for you. You can program it to wake you up at seven different times each day of the week. You can also program nap timers -- a clever addition, because with a schedule like this, power naps are essential.

iPod Clock Radio
You love your iPod. You want to marry it and have its babies. You want sleep with it every night and wake up next to it every morning. Well, sometimes you get what you wish for. This device isn't just a clock radio that docks your iPod, it's a whole home stereo system for your iPod which is fully-featured and cleverly designed. On the downside, it's still illegal to marry your iPod and biologically impossible to have its babies.

SleepTracker Wearable Sleeping Aid
Ahh. Don't you love those mornings when you just wake up naturally without an alarm clock at all? The SleepTracker promises the next best thing. Yes, it's still an alarm clock. But instead of waking you up an a concrete wake up time, it works around a twenty-minute wake up window, then wakes you up when you're sleeping your lightest, so you can feel as refreshed as possible when you start your day. As a bonus, aspiring mad scientists can also use the device to track the nightlong sleeping patterns of themselves and others ... to try to take over the world.

Progressive Wake Up Clock
Your bedroom slightly brightens. The smell of coffee wafts into your face. Songbirds are melodiously entering your dreams and softly awaken you. It's like awakening in your mountain lodge to have breakfast in bed. Oh crap, it's just your alarm clock. Oh well. This fancy alarm clock gradually wakes you with aromatherapy, light, and natural sounds over a period of thirty minutes. But I think a late night of drinking would make this pretty easy to ignore in the morning. (Perhaps you could set an ultra-loud, flashing Sensory Assault alarm clock to go off about an hour after this one.)

Clocky, the Alarm Clock the Runs Away and Hides
This robotic alarm clock has wheels. It acts like a regular alarm clock by hanging out in one place and buzzing in the morning. But once you hit snooze, you might think you're still dreaming. It rolls off your nightstand all by itself and finds a hiding place -- a different one each day -- then buzzes again. Theoretically, you're forced to get up and find it. But I think man is smarter than machine. Just remove the batteries when it buzzes you the first time and sleep as long as you want.

You know who you are. If it doesn't have whiskers and wear a bow, you don't want it. But Hello Kitty comes from Japan, where bytes are the not-so-new black. If you're going to ride this bandwagon, these 5 Gadgets are for you.

Hello Kitty Bluetooth Handsfree
When you haven't got enough hands to hold your Hello Kitty mobile phone (or the low-tech version for US residents), your Hello Kitty wireless headset will have you covered. Telephones must make Hello Kitty very sad, because she has no mouth.

Hello Kitty Digital Cam
Would the Hello Kitty paparazzi dare use another digital cam to catch this hot shot of Steven Tyler indulging in some pink, plushy Hello love? It takes 3.2 megapixel shots and even has a video out so you can connect it to your Hello Kitty TV set.

Hello Kitty USB 2.0 Flash Drive
Wearable flash memory must be worn in style. What matches your outfit, 256 MB or 512 MB? Either will look fabulous plugged into your Hello Kitty USB hub.

Hello Kitty Desktop Cleaner
Here's a neat little gadget that's popular in Japan -- a tiny vacuum cleaner to keep your desktop tidy. (It's great for keeping the dust off your Hello Kitty keyboard and mouse.) It reminds me of what Ethan Hawke used in Gattaca so no one would discover his true genetic identity. Does this mean the Japanese are genetically engineered superhumans? Perhaps.

Hello Kitty Portable Speakers
What kind of music do you Hello Kitty fans rock out to, anyway? I hope it sounds good coming out of two giant plush Hello Kitty feet, which can easily be connected to your Hello Kitty MP3 Player.