electron zoo

(Here’s an email I sent to AT&T Wireless’s online customer service today.)

Dear AT&T Online Customer Service,

I tried to login to my account and was prompted to enter a “secret question”. Fine, but these are TERRIBLE secret questions:

What is the name of a childhood pet?
What is the name of a childhood hero?
What is your favorite restaurant?
Who is the person you would most like to meet?
Who is/was your favorite school teacher?
Who is your favorite artist?
Who is your favorite author?
Who is your favorite actor?
What was your favorite toy as a child?
What movie did you enjoy the most?
What book did you enjoy the most?

I can’t answer ANY of them. Has it ever occurred to you that some people do NOT have favorite artists, authors, or actors? Or more to the point, may people DO have favorites, but they change every day.

Further, for some people, all of their childhood pets’ names had fewer than five characters, which is your minimum number of characters allowed in an answer. Also, what if my favorite artist were Cher?

How about something that DOES NOT change, like what elementary school did you go to? Or who was your first best friend? Or hospital were you born in? Or who was your first boyfriend/girlfriend?

Next time you are attempting to add a “secret question to your website”, please think a little harder about whether you yourself could even answer these questions accurately more than once. (Ones that don’t remind me of a newlyweds game show.)

Thank you.