electron zoo

For those of us who aren’t sitting in rain waiting outside the Apple store — or even those who are — here are five timekillers. (Also, here are my pics of the DC area Apple store.)

The iPhone is the business media’s Paris Hilton. Because combining the words “iPhone” with “Paris Hilton” into one headline is pure genius.

Steven Colbert’s iPhone Review. I actually have the same iPhone model as he does. The limited Imaginary Edition.

The iPhone plays voicemail in whatever order you want, which is a great feature to use while your world is crumbling around you.

iLines across USA. Soon, these will be just about the only people in the country who can personally attest to how much the iPhone actually sucks. But they won’t admit it — well, not for a week or two, anyway.

Build your own iPhone in 3 easy steps. As long as you don’t care whether it’s small, black, shiny, or even an iPhone.

Long known as the “easy” internet — praised by grandmothers and shunned by the tech elite — AOL, at $20+ per month, has seemed overpriced for years. The free hours of internet they used to offer upfront used to seem like a steal, but they’re now as easy to come by as so many landfill-clogging promo CDs.

Which is why I felt pretty silly installing AOL 9 on my pristine and professional Shuttle XPC last week. Why would I do that? Mainly because AOL is suddenly FREE. So why shouldn’t I add it to my at-home website-testing arsenal so I can ensure that my websites and HTML email newsletters look okay for the at-AOL-dot-com crowd?

Here’s how I set it up:
1. Go to AOL’s free email setup screen and create your new at-AOL-dot-com email address.
2. Get the AOL 9.0VR software from AOL’s download page and install it.
3. Login with your new AOL account (that you created in Step 1).

Now I’m sending all my test HTML emails to my at-AOL-dot-com email account (in addition to Yahoo, Gmail, Hotmail, Outlook, and others) … rather than just relying on my Mom to check them for me. (Sorry Mom, I’ll miss you.)

AOL didn’t seem to have taken over my computer too audaciously, but a familiar little triangle is lurking in my system tray, just waiting to say “Welcome!”. (Yes, AOL is free, so “Welcome” and “You’ve Got Mail!” won’t cost you a dime.)

Anyway, I believe that both AOL users and web developers will benefit from free AOL, because developers will be more likely to test their content in AOL now that it’s free — certainly I am — and that means less buggy internet content for AOL end-users.

And because Time Warner (who owns AOL) can still sell pricey Road Runner High Speed Internet accounts to the kind of users that have $20+ a month for AOL, the company may even have a future beyond monthly billing.

Read the post below, or download the podcast to your MP3 playing gadget. (2:31 duration; 1.2 MB filesize.)

From Stonehenge to Switzerland, humans have long used gadgets to measure the passage of time. These days, we're still figuring out crazy new ways to find out how soon we can break for lunch. For those occasions when checking the time on our mobile phones is far too uncivilized, here are five cool gadgets that you can watch for hours -- precisely.

Time Tags
These tiny cufflinks are a cool way for watchophobics to discreetly tell the time without risking an unsightly tan line. Fortunately, these itty-bitty timepieces come in pairs so you can lose them one-at-a-time.

TIX LED Clock
Cleverly disguised as a futuristic wall decoration, this clock may allow you to keep the time of day secret from your visitors whilst you, resident mad scientist, watch them squirm. Once you learn this clock's easy secret, you'll be able to read it faster than you can say One Million Dollars.

Active Reactor Wristwatch
This extremely fancy gadget brims with blinky lights and tech appeal, but all it really does is tell the time ... in a super spiffy way that's brand spanking new! To be the first wanna-japanese-a-be on the block to wear it, you'll have to order it directly in Japanese Yen. "How much was that awesome watch?" "Twelve hundred Yen." How cool is that?

Heart Rate and Altitude Monitoring Watch
If the control freak in you needs to know way more than the time, this watch may be a good start. Use it to keep tabs on your heart rate anytime (even thirty meters underwater) or to triumpantly determine your elevation when you happen to be climbing a mountain. Other know-it-all timepieces include smart watches for info like the weather and news.

Pong Clock
If staring at the clock isn't holding your attention, watching a computer endlessly play Pong with itself is sure to entertain. This clock is a must-have for retro gamers -- because for all the wonderful things you can do with an Atari 2600, keeping time isn't one of them.

NOTE: This is my first podcast ever! If you want to hear my melodious voice rather than reading this post, just download the MP3 file to your computer or MP3 player. It runs 2:15 and weights 2.1 MB.

For those of us who occasionally wake up wearing our shoes, here are five gadgets you won't remember using in the morning.

The Ring Thing
Because I've never seen anyone keep their pants on using a belt buckle bottle opener, I insist you consider a Ring Thing or wear tight pants. Or both. If the Ring Thing isn't hardcore enough for you, professional grade bottle opener rings are bigger, sturdier, and faster to use.

Reef Fanning Sandals
These Reef sandals have a covert bottle opener hidden in their sole, for those days when you head out with your flip flops, a 6-pack of Heineken, and nothing else. They come in multiple color combinations, including black & tan.

Travel Bar To Go
With a flask, a funnel, a corkscrew, ice tongs, a stirring stick, and even two collapsible shot glasses, you'll seriously outclass the hobos drinking from paper bags when you're boozing in the park mid-afternoon.

Shot Glass Ice Molds
Sorry about the intended pun, but these are the coolest shot glasses ever. Freeze water or juice to have everything on the rocks. And if your guests leave their glasses all over the place, you can just clean up afterwards with a hose.

Ashhole Bottletop Ashtray
If you've ever been to a party where everyone's ashing their cigarettes into a beer bottles, this might seem like a good idea. Until you ask yourself, if you had this ashtray on-hand, why would you ash into a beer bottle?

Although I avoid calling this website a blog in public, I do use blogging software to keep it up to date … or out of date, depending. In that vein, I’m keeping up with the times by updating to a 2005 blogging app … just in time for 2006. Oops. (I’m now using WordPress instead of Blogger. I signed up for Blogger in 2001 and had been using ever since.)

While moving my site, I redesigned it and got rid of some old posts I wrote in 2001 and 2002. Many of them weren’t relevant or worth keeping up anymore, but I did find some oldie-but-goodie links to share.

• Boring North Pole webcam. Originally posted in June 2002. Oh by the way, it’s dark there from October to March, so this webcam publishes blank, black photos six months a year. (See above.)
• The Haiku-o-Matic. When I posted this in April 2002, one of my favorites was: alien life form / lays its eggs within my chest. / my shirt is ruined.
• What do you do when the world’s about to end? Many of you may have answered DRINK!! — but when? Be sure to keep this handy Apocalypse Drinking Game on hand to be sure you’re playing by the rules. As useful today as when I first posted it in April 2002.

I hope you enjoyed these highlights, because I spent an hour following old, broken links and reading “Sorry I haven’t posted lately” posts in order to gather them for you.

Up next? A new 5 Gadgets post is coming your way this week. And if you want to leave me new comments, that would be swell — I lost all my old ones in the move.